Awful
After a long absence, I paid a visit to Lad's Locker Room in Bristol on Tuesday October 23 2017, the first naked day after what they had proudly claimed on their Facebook page was going to be a "partial refurbishment". They added "WE WILL BE MAKING FURTHER IMPROVEMENTS OVER THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS” i.e. by November 3.
A refurbishment was certainly overdue.
What had they done, I wondered, as I walked in?
Had they cleaned the place up, I wondered?
Had they tidied away the floor mops and the hose used to top up the jacuzzi?
Had they fixed the showers to bare even the slightest resemblance the attractive blue tiled ones displayed on their website?
Had they cleaned the jacuzzi?
Had they fixed the steam room to produce sufficient steam to keep it steamy?
No. None of these things.
When I got there I found that the three showers were still drab and dirty, and one of them was still hanging off the wall, rusting as it had done for over a year. There was still very little hot water, and then only after a lot of fiddling with the geriatric controls, and a long cold wait.
If they had tried to clean the jacuzzi, they had failed. It stank. The switch on the wall that operates the air pump was broken and had to be fiddled with to make it work.
The steam room was stone cold. Even after the helpful door man “rebooted” it when I complained, the steam was sporadic and inadequate and required the switch on the wall to be pressed endlessly. I have been to over 40 gay saunas around the world, and this one continues to have the worst steam room I have ever been in.
So what had the owner done while the place was closed for four days?
He had knocked a hole through a wall to provide access from the reception area to the lounge area.
Brilliant!
Why did he bother, I wondered? There was already a perfectly good doorway between the two, about two steps along the same wall.
What a waste of time and money.
The potential clientele in Bristol must exceed that in Swindon and Newport, because its population is three times as big as either of them, and yet the clientele is a fraction of that in that in those towns.
Let’s, for a moment, compare Lads Locker Room to Touch in Swindon. Touch is clean, stylishly decorated, and well maintained, because the enthusiastic young guys who own it know that repeat custom comes from looking after your customers, making them feel that they are valued, and treating them with respect by providing good reliable facilities. They have invested their time and money in it. As a result, customers willingly go back again and again. That is why it is generally busy with guys of all ages, and always so on a naked Tuesday. This is why it it profitable.
Consider the Greenhouse in Newport, another clean, tidy, well run, well maintained gay sauna within reach of Bristol. Always packed on a naked Wednesday and plenty busy at other times.
When I arrived on Tuesday October 23 2017 after the partial refurbishment, there were two customers. Two. Why so few? Because since the owner bought it, this place has never ever failed to disappoint.
I withheld this review for several weeks to give the owner a chance to finish his refurbishment or at least announce his plans to do so. He has not, so I can only assume Lad's Locker Room remains awful and that the owner has no intention of improving it.
[to the owner], I understand that you are targeting the drunken late night weekend crowd. Perhaps that is why you don't care that Lad's Locker Room looks like a pig sty. Perhaps late on Friday and Saturday is when you make your profit. You cannot possibly do so at any other time. I have been there at all sorts of times, and the place has never been busy.
[to the owner], why don't you do yourself a favour, by thinking about your customers? It is directly in your financial interests to provide a clean, well decorated, fully functional gay sauna. So far you have failed miserably, and it is only because there is now zero competition in Bristol that Lad's Locker Room is still drizzling along at all.
What a waste of a facility!
[to the owner], where is your pride? Where is your business acumen?
I CHALLENGE YOU to respond.